Author Spot Light: T.K. Leigh

     

      In celebration of her book release of Heart of Light this week, I decided to sit down (at the computer) and interview T.K. Leigh so that her fans, new and old, could get to know a bit more about her.

      I was trying to figure out how I could help spread the word of her book release while making it more personalized and that’s when it happened. I came home from work Thursday morning and thought, “I’m going to interview T.K. Leigh today!” I had never spoken to her aside from posting comments on Facebook so I was nervous when I typed up the message to her.

      I waited until Facebook chat said she had “seen” the message and then I held my breath. Often times when I consider approaching an author, especially one in which I am a fan, I have expectations of who they are and for whatever reason I fear that they will not respond because I am just another reader.

      As I held my breath and the seconds ticked by I thought that perhaps T.K. Leigh was in that league of unavailable authors, forever out of reach of her fans. Now don’t get me wrong, I have seen her post on Facebook and answer her fans on more than one occasion, but I knew she was busy preparing for her latest book release and assumed that she would think my interview to be an added burden to her already busy schedule.

      As the words appeared in the chat box I squealed with happiness, “Hi, hun. I can absolutely do an interview. I'm a bit limited on time because I have a book signing this weekend but I can *try* to get responses to you today.”

      My husband obviously thought I was demented by this point as he stared and simply shook his head. I rambled on and on about how I had scored an interview on a whim and though he congratulated me I could see that he was obviously questioning my sanity. Perhaps the night shift had finally gotten to me.

      I feverishly attacked my keyboard with the intensity of a sleep-deprived writer, assaulting its delete key as I reworded my questions over and over again. I knew my window of opportunity was small and I hoped I still had time to climb through before Mrs. Leigh moved onto another room.

      As I finally accepted defeat and realized that I needed to ignore my inner critic and just send the damned questions, I looked away from the mouse and clicked send. Instantly I tried to undo my mistake but it was too late, the questions were already hurtling through cyber-space to the email of T.K. Leigh.

      From that point on, I spent the entire morning refreshing my gmail account, checking Facebook, and asking myself why I thought it was a good idea to send that email? And that’s when it appeared, T.K. Leigh’s response to my interview….it went something like this...

 

Kim: How would you define your writing style?

T.K.: "That’s a tough one. I don’t know if I have a style that is unique. The story kind of leads me and dictates my style, I guess. My Beautiful Mess series as well as Heart of Light are all romantic suspense stories so I chose to write them in third-person POV so that the reader gets more information than the main characters, but are still left hanging just slightly so that they keep turning the pages. I love evoking emotions from my readers. So I guess my writing style is suspense-driven but still evokes a wide range of emotions."

Kim: What is it that sets you apart from other authors?

T.K.: "I’m not sure there’s any one thing that sets me apart. I’d like to say it’s because all my characters are relatable in some way. Yes, in my Beautiful Mess series, the male main character, Alexander, had money, but he didn’t flaunt it. In Heart of Light, my main characters are every day people looking for love and dealing with their past. And I think we all do that. We can all connect and relate to these people in some way, shape or form. So I think being able to develop characters that my readers can connect to sets me somewhat apart."

Kim: Why write?

T.K.: "Why not? I didn’t start writing to actually publish, to be honest. A story popped into my head one day and I wanted to write it. I’ve always been a very avid reader, so I thought it would be fun to try my hand at writing. I never imagined being able to do this full time and I’m so grateful that I can."

Kim: What genre do you prefer to write?

T.K.: "Well, all my books are romantic suspense. I love a mystery / suspenseful story with some romance involved. I just finished writing my first New Adult / Coming of Age book, Heart of Marley, and I’m very proud of that book. It’s a bit different as it’s not a typical romance. Yes, there are a few romantic relationships in the book, but it’s more of a journey to self-discovery and moving on from your past."

Kim: What genre do you enjoy most when you are the one doing the reading instead of the writing?

T.K.: "I’ll read anything if it’s a good story. The only genre that doesn’t do anything for me is paranormal. I’ve tried to get into it, but I just can’t. Which makes no sense because I love watching The Vampire Diaries."

Kim: Is there anyone in your life who influenced you to start writing?

T.K.: "Not writing, per se, but I remember always going to the library with my dad when I was a little girl. I loved going on Saturdays so I could pick out a few new books to last me through the week. So I’ve always been a big reader and it’s because my parents instilled a love of books and reading when I was a little girl. So I guess it’s a natural progression to want to try to write, too."

Kim: Who is your biggest support system in regards to your writing?

T.K.: "My husband. I wrote my entire Beautiful Mess series without his knowledge while he was on the road for work. It was just something to keep me occupied. I had no intention of publishing it. Well, after I had most of the story done, I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. I tried to pick up a bunch of different books, but I couldn’t get into them, so I decided to look into having my manuscript Beta read. My betas came back and LOVED it so I decided to take the plunge and publish. When I told my husband about it, he read all three books within a 4 day period of time and has been my biggest fan since then."

Kim: When did you first know that you wanted to write a book?

T.K.: "I guess when an idea popped into my head and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. So I decided to write. And now, I can’t stop the voices in my head, in a good way, of course."

Kim: Everyone dreams of a job that is the epitome of what they enjoy most. I noticed your status update on Facebook the other day with the hashtag #TakeYourLawyerJobAndShoveIt, do you hope to be able to put this part of your life behind you some day and focus solely on your writing?

T.K.: "I actually already have. I’m one of the fortunate ones that is able to write full-time"

Kim: Favorite ice cream?

T.K.: "That new Breyers gelato is sinful."

Kim: I enjoy a glass of wine and a good book, but my wine choice usually depends on the kind of book that I’m reading. I drink sweet wine, such as Moscato, when I know for certain that I’ll be reading something sad. I think the reason being is that the sweetness of the wine allows me to handle the sadness of the story. (Ice cream works in place of wine too during these heartbreaking times.) Have you ever noticed yourself doing something similar? 

T.K.: "When I’m working on my books and I know I’m getting to a particular part that I am dreading having to write, I definitely pop some wine… Usually Chardonnay. It helps take the edge off a bit."

Kim: What would you say to an individual who is trying to find their footing in the world of writing?

T.K.: "Don’t give up. It’s such a huge task writing a book and then marketing it. Some days are better than others but you have to constantly go back to the reason you started writing in the first place. Was it to make money? I hope not because you’re in the wrong business. Was it to share your stories with other people? If so, then you’re doing that."

Kim: What is one of your biggest pet peeves?

T.K.: "Slurping your soup… Drives me crazy."

Kim: As an author, what do you find most challenging when going through the process of creating, editing, and marketing a book?

T.K.: "The most challenging is when I’m getting ready to release. I spend so much time marketing… I’m always on FB interacting with my readers and trying to meet potential readers. I just pray that all the hours upon hours I’ve spent marketing weren’t for nothing."

Kim: If you could meet some of your favorite authors, who would you “fangirl” over if you were able to meet them in person and snag an autographed copy of your favorite book by them? 

T.K.: "Everyone laughs at my answer… Hunter S Thompson… I would have loved to meet him while he was still alive."

Kim: Do you prefer the indie market or something more mainstream when publishing your work?

T.K.: "I love the control I get in the indie marketplace. I have yet to receive an offer that had me drooling enough to ever want to leave this indie world."

Kim: What is something that you would like to tell readers about your upcoming novel Heart of Light?

T.K.: "Be prepared for a bit of an emotional roller coaster. You’ll be laughing one moment and then crying the next. Then your heart will be racing with all the suspense."

 

Kim: You seemed to have literally poured blood, sweat, and tears into this book. The story focuses on human trafficking and a world that many people might not know much about. What made you decide to raise awareness for a cause that plagues America, not to mention the world, on a daily basis?

T.K.: "Actually, I kind of wrote this in response to the growing trend of dark romance novels that seem to be gaining popularity. I remember going through Facebook one day and I saw a comment to the effect that a reader would want some main character to kidnap her and have his way with her and it got me thinking, wondering if people really understood how huge the problem of human trafficking is. I was quite familiar with the extent of it from my time in the criminal law field but over the past few weeks, I’ve been sharing what I’ve researched with my readers and I think it’s opening their eyes to the fact that this is a problem, not just in third world countries, but in our own back yard. They don’t just target immigrants or low income minorities. They target the girl next door. One of the popular methods of luring girls and then kidnapping is used in my book, Heart of Light. It’s real. It happens. Tens of thousands of people die every year from human trafficking and I just wanted people to think twice about it."

Kim: The research that went into exploring this dark, underground world of enslaving individuals, mainly women must have been exhausting. How did you keep yourself grounded while learning about what these people endure?

T.K.: "I guess I’m fortunate, if you could call it that, that I have a background in the criminal law field. I’ve worked for the Victim’s Advocate before working for the state’s attorney’s office and you start to learn how to distance yourself. You never do so entirely, but you learn to compartmentalize, I suppose. The research was important to me. Yes, it’s a fictional account, but the methods you see used are real. I guess I was able to keep myself grounded by hoping that this book will help some people think twice about this enormous problem this country and world faces. Some of the statistics are absolutely staggering and hopefully my readers will take something away from it… Even if it’s something as simple as telling their husband or kids that they love them."

Kim: Raising awareness for this cause is a huge undertaking, especially when writing a novel about it, are you nervous about the reviews? When Heart of Light goes live to the public, what will you be doing?

T.K.: "I hate to say it, but I’ve learned to not worry about reviews too much. It’s impossible to please everyone so I don’t try anymore. I write for myself, first and foremost. I tell the story I want to tell. If my readers connect with it, that’s the icing on the cake for me. Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely love my readers and I love being able to give them story after story. But I no longer read every single review. You’ll drive your crazy trying to write a book that makes everyone happy. I wrote a book that I am DAMN proud of. I loved my Beautiful Mess series, but Heart of Light is my favorite… So far. And wen it goes live, I do believe I’ll be popping a bottle of champagne to celebrate." ;-)

 

Kim: Is there anything else you would like readers, both your fans and those who are new to your work, to know?

T.K.: "I love you all!!!" :)

T.K. Leigh, it was a pleasure to read your responses to my questions and get to know you better. Thank you for taking the time out of the madness that you call your schedule, to answer all of those questions. You are a great author and your fans truly appreciate how you're willing to reach out to them every chance you get. Good luck with the Heart of Light release!  

Don't forget to join the week long celebration of  her book release for Heart of Light on Facebook! There will be a ton of giveaways and fun to be had! PARTY OVER HERE!!!!!

Pre-Order Heart of Light Here! 

 

For more information on T.K. Leigh please visit her at the following links: 

Author T.K. Leigh's Blog  

Author T.K. Leigh on Facebook  

Author T.K. Leigh on Twitter  

Author T.K. Leigh on Goodreads 

Purchase A Beautiful Mess Here!  

I Lost Myself to Motherhood.

When my first child was born,  I was terrified. Being two months shy of my 19th birthday I was practically a kid myself. I was married and thought I was ready for motherhood but you're never truly ready for it. I know some people might disagree and say, "I was ready when I had my child! I was prepared!" But that's a lie. You are never fully ready to be a mother.

I remember how I felt the first moment I held my son as I looked down at his swollen, little, pink face. I was scared. Don't get me wrong I was happy too, but I thought to myself, "Oh, my God...this little, pink, blob of cuteness..his survival in this world is dependent on...me."

Maternal instincts kicked in but they were primitive at best. Feed, change, coddle...rinse repeat. There were times when he cried, his screechy voice piercing my eardrums and breaking my heart because I couldn't console him. I learned that was gas.

There were other times, especially when he started eating "big boy" food that I would freak out because the color of his poop wasn't normal. I learned that food dye in fruit loops makes baby poop resemble stinky rainbows.

I watched as this little being started to crawl on his own...then to walk. I became completely obsessed with making sure that no harm could come to him. My life was consumed with his safety. My life was consumed with making him happy. My life was absolutely consumed with everything about him. It didn't help the fact that I felt like he was all I had because this was the time period in which my first marriage dissolved. Some things are just not meant to be and when you are young you don't always listen to those who know better.

I lost myself to motherhood.

When I became a mother of multiple children I lost myself even further. My life revolved around my children and when it wasn't all about them, I was trying to stay sane. I had lost my identity. I only thought of myself as a wife and mother. I lived for my family but I had no identity outside of motherhood.

Now, some of you might be thinking to yourself, "Why is that so bad? You are a mother. Your life should be about your family. How can you be so selfish?" If you're thinking those things then you obviously aren't a mother or you're telling lies to yourself.

Being a mother is a beautiful gift and something I wouldn't change for the world, but when I say I lost myself, I truly mean it. I lost who I was and became only a mother. I couldn't define myself in any other way other than, "I'm a mother of four."

You may still be wondering why that's a bad thing and that's fine...keep reading and hopefully you'll get my point sooner or later.

It's okay to identify yourself as a mother, but that's just one of many hats you wear. Becoming a mother causes you to change your entire perspective on life. You have to carry yourself differently. At times it even holds a stigma and if you don't fit a certain mold then people judge you.

My first run in with judgmental people was when I went into a grocery store with all of the kids. I had a woman ask me if those were my siblings. She then proceeded to scoff at me when I told her that they were all my children. I have also had people say, "how old are you?" after they ask me how old my oldest child is. I can almost see the wheels turning in their head as they count down to how old they think I was when I had my first child.

Nobody asks if they're my step child, they just assume that I was a teen mother. I usually see mixed expressions at this revelation from anything to a look of pity to a look of disgust. This used to really bother me, but now I take it with a grain of salt because I know the truth and that's all that matters to me.

In the earlier years of my relationship with my second/current husband I simply saw myself as his girlfriend and the wife of our children. Together we had a blended family and I was happy. The new relationship, the happiness that I felt once again, renewed who I was. I became Kim again. I put my own needs first but was still able to do so while being a mother at the same time. That was the first time I realized that motherhood didn't define who I am.

But it didn't last...I lost myself to motherhood again. I had a slight taste of freedom but let it slip through my fingers.

"But Kim, why would you want to be free from motherhood?"

Let me explain this so that you understand what I'm saying. I did not want freedom from motherhood in the least...but I wanted to not be completely defined by motherhood. I wanted to show my kids that you can be more than a mom. You can have a career and do things for yourself and still be an awesome mom but also have your own things going on at the same time. I wanted to show my kids that it's okay for mom to have a life separate from being a parent.

Yes, I am a mother. I am a wife. First and foremost, my husband and my children are the most important people in my life. I would die for them. I would do whatever it takes to make them happy...and my life is consumed (in the best ways possible) with being a wife and mother.

But, at the end of the day, in order to keep your sanity and be able to function like a normal person you cannot forget to take care of yourself. In my case, I needed to learn how to take care of Kim. I needed to nurture my needs some too. As a mother you put everyone before yourself. That is part of our primitive maternal instincts.

Even in the littlest moments you always put your family first. From meals to sleep...you always end up putting everyone else before yourself. If I make a meal I usually always make my plate last. I serve my kids and husband first, then once they're all settled I serve myself. If I want to take a bubble bath, everyone else showers/bathes first then I grab a book and hop in the tub..usually to find that the hot water has been used or is very limited.

I go to sleep, almost always, last. I make sure that the kids are in bed and sleeping before my head hits the pillow. Every single noise in the house wakes me up so I usually don't sleep soundly unless I'm absolutely exhausted. I watch TV shows or movies that I wouldn't watch normally to make my kids happy. I sacrifice for my family and I would change absolutely nothing about that.

However, I have learned in the last few years to do things for me that make me happy too. Don't get my wrong, when my kids and husband are happy I am happy. There are some things that I like to do for me though, and it took me years to realize that it is okay to do things for myself.

It doesn't make me a bad mom. I'm not being selfish. I'm not depriving my family of something just because I go off on my own to do something just for me. More often than not I'd much rather share every happy moment in my life with my family, but sometimes it's okay to have a break. It's okay to sneak away and indulge in something that's not always "kid friendly" such as a glass of wine or and R-rated movie. 

I really started to find myself again when I decided to start working and to go to college. That gave me a more versatile identity and allowed me to be a little more independent. Prior to exploring these options my identity was dependent on my husband and kids. I was able make myself more well-rounded by getting a job and pursuing a college education. It's important to have other areas in your life in which you excel other than motherhood because as your children get older and less dependent on you, you begin to feel empty.

You know that those little people in your life are dependent on your for their every need but it's not until they grow up that you realize you are equally as dependent on them. If you don't have other things to fill the void that they leave as they start growing up and that dependency lessens then you are left wondering what to do with yourself.

I recently went on a trip to Vegas where I saw Britney Spears in concert, just my best girl friend and I. I missed my husband and kids terribly, but this was the first vacation I had EVER had without them. I needed some 'me' time and that was a memorable trip with a great friend. There were many things that I did where I thought, "Oh, my husband/child would've loved to seen that!" or "Awe, I bet my husband/kid would've enjoyed this.." but it was still nice to do something for myself.

I'm 28 now. I have been a mother for every bit of my 20's and it has taken me nearly all of it to realize that I had lost myself to motherhood and just recently began to find who I am once again. Mother is one of many titles that I proudly wear. I am a wife, mother, sister/cousin/aunt/niece, student, certified nursing assistant, cook, counselor, friend, avid reader, aspiring writer, and amateur photographer. I've got my head in the clouds, my nose in the books, one ear to the phone and the other ear listening to my children, all the while making dinner at the same time.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having 'me' time and doing things that I love. I mean, there are things that I love doing that my family probably wouldn't like anyway. I love to go out into nature for hours on end with a good book and a camera. I love reading and taking pictures. I love writing poetry and stories. I love yoga (though I haven't done it in a long time). I like certain bands and music that I know my husband and kids probably wouldn't like. There are certain things that are fitting of my personality but not necessarily something my husband or kids would want to do. It's okay for me to go off on my own and enjoy those things without them. It doesn't mean I love them any less, it just means that I'm finding a way to enjoy all the things I love.

Motherhood is about balance but I think in order to find the proper balance you must be able to nurture your family and yourself. By nurturing yourself it allows you to find happiness in all areas of your life and, in my opinion, it makes you a much better mother.

I remember the time I lost myself to motherhood, but I remember even more how I found myself again. 

I'm addicted...

...to music. 

I had you going there for a moment, huh? You thought I was going to confess some deep, dark, secret addiction in which you would get to silently judge me from behind the comfort of the screen in which you're hidden. It's okay, I forgive you. 

Seriously, I am addicted to music. Without music, my world would be consumed with the chaos of my every day life. Yes, I know my blog is titled, "The Beautiful Chaos of Motherhood and Life..." I'm aware of the irony of my statement. I don't mean to say that chaos is bad in this sense, but I know that music helps me to better balance it all.

Whether I'm blogging, doing homework, cooking, cleaning, or playing outside with the kids I typically always have music playing in the background. I feel that listening to music helps me concentrate better on the task I am performing. That could mean that I have some underlying ADD/ADHD tendencies that I've yet to address in my 28 years of life. Hmm...nevertheless music is my addiction. 

I listen to a variety of music which is usually dependent on my mood and the task I'm trying to complete. For example, I've found that if I'm blogging I can listen to a variety of things and the style doesn't really matter. But when I'm doing homework I prefer to listen to music that lacks words because it allows me to better concentrate. 

I get pickier when it comes to reading a book. It doesn't matter if I'm reading for pure enjoyment or if I'm editing a book, I try to match the music to the scene that I'm reading. I do the same when I'm writing. Adding mood music really helps me to get into the mind of the characters and I feel that some of my best writing occurs when music is my constant companion. 

When people ask me what my favorite genre of music is, it's really hard for me to explain it. I use the word eclectic quite often because that's the only way to truly describe my taste in music. It varies, as I mentioned previously in this blog. I've gone to such a mix of concerts that it's almost comical but I feel that it makes me well-rounded. 

The first concert I ever went to was Dwight Yoakam. Yes. Mr. Yoakam at Cumberland Gap, Kentucky. I was about 8 or 9 and we had went there on a family outing. I actually was able to meet him and talk to him. I thought it was the coolest thing..ever. I still look back at that memory fondly.

I went to many concert events when I was a teenager with my youth group from my childhood church. Even though it's not necessarily my style of music any longer, I still enjoyed myself at the time and listen to that genre of music on occasion when I want to hear a specific song.

In more recent years, I've seen Fly Leaf, In This Moment, Marilyn Manson, Rob Zombie, Taylor Swift, Ed Sheeran, and Britney Spears. Now, let that last sentence really sink in and think about those artists individually. I'm pretty sure I can imagine your facial expression and that humors me slightly. Eclectic, right? 

What I've been listening to as I write this blog post is more of the country variety. Hunter Hayes, Taylor Swift, Luke Bryan, Carrie Underwood...etc. No particular reason other than I wanted to hear "Blown Away" and it snowballed from there. 

What draws me to music is not the genre but more so what I feel when I listen to it. If it evokes emotion or makes me feel good...then I'll listen to it. Sounds like a drug, right? If it feels good, do it?
I'll admit it, I am absolutely 100% addicted to music. It makes me feel good, so I'm definitely going to do (listen to) it. 

Do I need rehab for this? Nah. I'll continue to get my musically induced high as I float through life on lyrics, notes, and catchy hooks.

My kids also love and appreciate music. They've all been acutely aware of my love for music since before they could talk. If there's anything I've done flawlessly as a parent, I know it has been introducing them to a variety of music while nurturing their own personal preferences. 

Music is life.  

How do you feel about music? What's your favorite genre or do you listen to whatever feels right?  Do you have songs capable of inducing memories in which you feel like you're reliving that moment the second you hear the first note? 

The Loss of my Mother

I've had yet to share my poetry (of any type) on my blog, but I decided that it was time. I shared this particular piece back in April on the 3 year anniversary of my Mom's death. It was only fitting to do so. 

My Mom fought cancer for nearly a decade and kicked ass doing so, but fighting meant chemo and radiation. If you know anything about cancer treatment then you know that it's extremely detrimental to the body, more specifically the immune system. 

She was a hard headed, self-proclaimed "bitch", who loved her family with everything she had and tried to give her children the world...even if it meant she went without. She was the backbone of our family and it fell apart when she died.

She was my best-friend and the person I called several times a day to get advice about motherhood, vent to when I felt like nobody else would understand, and cry to when my heart was broken. When my first marriage was ending, my mother told me that I had too big of a heart to give up on love. She assured me that love would come around when I least expected it. 

When Sean came into my life she knew before I told her that I had fallen for him. She knew that the love I felt for him was rare and she warned me not to let him fall in love with me. She was afraid that I wasn't ready...but love had happened and she knew it. 

He was the first guy that I have ever seen her accept 100% as good enough to be my husband. She adored him and when I last saw her she told me to "Thank Sean for me..for loving you...I know I can go home without worrying about you being taken care of. Never let him go and when marriage gets hard fight like hell to hold onto it." 

My Mom may have not been my mother by blood but she was my grandmother by blood. If you've read my previous blogs, then you know I've mentioned that I was adopted by my grandparents. I have only recently started working on a relationship with my biological mother and I couldn't be more thankful. If my Mom wouldn't have taught me forgiveness and understanding..then I am not sure I would have ever been ready to take this step with my biological mother. 

I am grateful now to say I have two moms. If I count the other women in my life such as my ex-step mother, Robyn or my mother-in-law, Barb then I can honestly say I have more moms than most. None of them are alike, none of them can replace the mother that I lost when Dixie left this world, but they all hold a very dear place in my heart and I love them tremendously.

In the last three years I have slowly accepted that my Mom is no longer here but I have plenty of moments where I feel her presence..and her absence. Every time I hear You Are My Sunshine I am reduced to tears. As I sit here writing I have that song playing in the background and I am looking at my computer screen through a veil of tears. That was our song...I have only recently stopped picking up the phone to call her.

I think what inspired this blog the most was when I was unpacking a box last night. It was items that I had given my Mom when she was in the hospital. My aunt Roxie had been sure that those items made it back to me. One item in particular nearly broke my heart when I held it. It's a large purple butterfly that you can hang on the wall. My parents have always called me butterfly because my Daddy gave me that nickname when I was three years old. 

Anyway, I was living in Florida when my Mom was sick and had traveled back home to Kentucky to see her...to..say goodbye. I felt awful the day before I had to leave because I knew that I would most likely never see her alive again. I went to the gift shop and bought that purple butterfly and put it in her room. I told her that even if I wasn't physically there I was always with her and that butterfly was to remind her of that. 

When I held that butterfly last night, I cried for a few minutes and it felt I was mourning her death all over again. I have a few other pieces that were sent to her funeral specifically for me. Two beautiful white angels that I hold dear because of my best friends who sent them. That box was hard for me to go through last night but it was a little bit easier than when I packed it up a month ago. 

It left me feeling raw with emotion and today I decided to get up and write...I have to write to get it out because I've found that writing is the only way I allow myself to truly deal with her death. This brings me to the poem...

The back story on this poem is that I wrote it for a creative writing course in college. I have had a very difficult time dealing with my Mom's death and more often than not I tend to downplay my emotions until they fester inside and I, more or less, explode into a blubbering mess of tears. 

We were asked to write a poem in a specific format and I chose to write an elegy. My mood that day was bitter to the point that I could nearly taste it rising like bile in the back of my throat. The only way to deal with that bitterness was to expel it from myself in the form of writing.

Here's the poem: (Disclaimer-This is my work and I don't mind it being quoted but please do not do so without my permission.) 

   

The End (Elegy)
                                     
Heads were bowed in contemplative unison as we awaited for the formalities to end.
Staggered breathing could be heard if one paid attention,
But most were lost within their own reflections of their last moments with her. 

Moments that would be forever encapsulated in our hearts, as we held steadfast to the hope that she would some how awaken; a ridiculous notion for the dead cannot be shaken.
The spirit that had tethered her to this world had long abandoned the fragile shell that we now gazed upon.
One by one, we began to say our final good bye, though mere words seemed to desensitize everything we felt in those life-altering seconds.
A hushed whisper rumbled through our ears as we made our approach to the cold, metallic tomb in which she lay.
Mouth drawn in a tight line and hands clasped stiffly across her torso, the image was imposed upon us as it etched itself into our memories.
We tried to catalog it with the other undesirables that could not be unseen; but it was at the forefront of our sorrow.
In the air hung a smell that only funeral flowers could generate. The scent burned our throats and had the ability to conjure up painful images of those who we wished only to commemorate.
A sickeningly, sweet fragrance laced with heartache and regret, thick enough that it could drowned anyone who allowed it.
Acidic tears stung our cheeks and our knees began to buckle beneath the weight of the sorrow. We supported one another in this  moment because we felt camaraderie in our pain.
Clinging to the cold edge of the box in which she lay, we whispered words of comfort and regret that fell on deaf ears to our dismay.
As morning shifted to afternoon, we walked across soft, moist earth to her final resting place.
The minutes ticked by at a quickened pace, that blurred past as the midday sun cast dark shadows over every mourners’ face.
A prayer was spoken in a voice twisted by despair, but that pivotal moment did not fully register until the creaking of the ropes resounded around us. Slowly she sank into the cold ground, forever hidden from our sights except for when we allowed our hearts to reminisce. © 2014 Kimberly Kasper

Author Spot Light: Maria Rachel Hooley

   I have been hoping to interview one of my favorite authors-turned-friend for some time now; but it was not until recently that I was afforded the opportunity.  I had mentioned my idea about this interview to Maria Rachel Hooley a couple of weeks back and she was enthusiastic to let me pick her brain.

     For days I have poured over the questions that I should ask, to the point of anxiety. Finally, armed with a set of questions that I thought eager minds would be thrilled to learn; I hit enter and sent those questions spinning through the internet via Facebook chat.

         Let’s take a trip down memory lane for just a moment, shall we? About a year ago, I came across Maria Rachel Hooley’s Facebook fan page after reading four books in her Sojourner series.
     I gained a strong appreciation for the depth of her writing, how easily it flowed, and the characters she created. The emotions that she was able to convey created such an intense feeling of emotions for me that I felt almost as I was in the story. When an author is able to impact you in that way, you want to read more of their work; to say in the least.

     I left Mrs. Hooley a message on her Facebook fan page wall, regarding the series, and within minutes she had responded to me! I was elated and from that moment our friendship began to blossom.

         I value Mrs. Hooley’s opinion and criticism tremendously and I have gone to her for advice regarding my own creative writing. When the opportunity came to light in which I could really pick her brain while introducing others to her and her incredible talent, I jumped at the chance.
         Now spring forward to the night that I nervously sent my questions out into cyber space. Eagerly I awaited Mrs. Hooley’s response as I wondered if my questions would elicit the answers that I hoped for.

      A small beep from my phone alerted me to a message on my personal Facebook account and with shaking hands I opened the message to find that Mrs. Hooley had responded.
The conversation that follows is the transcript of our interview.

KIM: How long have you been writing?

MRS. HOOLEY: Probably close to thirty years.

KIM:  What/who inspires you?

MRS. HOOLEY: I guess there are two ways to answer this one. The people who inspire me in my day-to-day life are those who try to make a difference because that’s what I’m hoping my life amounts to even on a small scale. Some of those people are Harry Chapin, Kurt Klein and Gerda Wiessman Klein, among others. There are so many, and I have a Pinterest board devoted for that in hopes to inspire other people. As far as my writing goes, I draw inspiration from books I read, such as The Hate List by Jennifer Brown, or movies like The Host or music like VAST. Again there is so much great stuff out there.

KIM: What genre do you prefer to write and does it differ from what you prefer to read?

MRS. HOOLEY: First off, I read almost everything. That said, I know there are genres that I read that I won’t write well so I don’t even try that. My favorite genre to read is young adult. Love it! It is also my favorite genre to write, and most of the people who beta or edit for me tell me it is actually the genre that I write best.

KIM: How difficult was it for you to hand over your first book to another person for critique?

MRS. HOOLEY: Because I wrote so many novels before I ever had one critiqued, it wasn’t all that hard. I was probably working on novel six or seven. I think that all the writing before-hand made that transition to the next step so much easier. The first time your work became published, what emotions did you experience? Well, I’d probably call it elated panic. First I thought: YES! It is FINISHED! Then I thought Oh My. What have I done???

KIM: How do you deal with negative criticism from your audience?

MRS. HOOLEY:  I try not to read reviews very much because even if you get ten great reviews and two bad ones, I think the bad ones are those that you take to heart. Not everyone will like what you write and not everyone will be eloquent or polite about that dislike, but I don’t have to let those comments poison what I do. My favorite quote by Eleanor Roosevelt sums it up nicely: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” I try to take what I can that will help me grow as a write and let go of the rest. I think that’s all any of us can do with any type of negativity.
KIM: What is the most rewarding part of your career as an author?

MRS. HOOLEY: When someone tells me a novel matters to them because it made a difference in something they had to deal with, that’s the best thing anyone can say to an author. I’ve been fortunate to have people tell me that about October Breezes.

KIM: I have read October Breezes and I can say that I am one of those people in which you made a difference. This is something we have spoken about before and I truly mean it when I say thank you for writing such an inspirational story.

MRS. HOOLEY:  Kim, that is why I write. There isn’t a higher compliment you can give me, and I am honored.

KIM: Tell me about your top 3 favorite books; why are they your favorite? (Books you’ve written that is.)

MRS. HOOLEY: Books that I have written. October Breezes will probably always be my favorite because of Devin. He’s a character I really love. Summer Sunsets is my second again because of Devin. Probably my third favorite book is Second Sight because that’s the book in the series when I really had to figure out who Lizzie and Lev were both as a couple and as individuals.

KIM: Who do you write for? (Ie: Family, friends, fans, yourself?)

MRS. HOOLEY: Typically when I start a novel, it’s because an idea has intrigued me. A lot of people pick the kinds of stories they want to tell by genre. I don’t. I let the story pick me. Sometimes, it’s not always easy because it’s outside of my comfort zone, but because I’m picking that project based on the story, I think it’s really for me on the first draft. I want to know what is going to happen and I want to be a part of that journey. That said, this summer I will probably be embarking on a middle grade book, something I never, ever planned to write, but my younger daughter wants me to write a book for her, so we will see that how that goes!

KIM: Give me 5 fun facts about yourself.

MRS. HOOLEY: Fun facts? Mmmm. 1. Strange as it sounds I like photographing statues and cemeteries are usually my favorite places for that. 2. I never used to pick out celebrities to use as models for my characters, but I always had ideas for them. I never could find someone I thought fit Devin in October Breezes. As he is my favorite character, that was a tough one. Then, one day, I was sitting there watching Supernatural, and I realized I had just found Devin—Jared Padalecki. It was the strangest feeling. It had never happened to me before and it hasn’t happened since. 3. My favorite store is Staples, followed closely by Office Depot. I think it comes from the whole writing thing. I tend to shun shopping as much as I can unless I’m in one of those two stores. 4. At one point when I was younger, I thought about being a Christian rock singer. Unfortunately, I don’t like getting up in front of people, so you can tell how long THAT lasted. 5. I used to sew a lot. I’ve actually made Renaissance costumes for both myself and my husband.

KIM: Tell me about your “day job” as a teacher.

MRS. HOOLEY: Day Job. Teacher. Well, I spend the day with high school students as an English teacher. We have about forty kids in an alternative type of suspension school. Most days are never boring and never go the way I think they are going to go. Because we have a lot of kids coming and going, it can be pretty challenging. Still, I enjoy working with teenagers. They tend to make me laugh a lot.

KIM: Lastly, what are your top five books by other authors?

MRS. HOOLEY: The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle Tuck Everlasting by Natalie Babbitt Ariel—Steven Boyett Thirteen Reasons Why—Jay Asher To Kill a Mockingbird—Harper Lee.
In a follow up the next morning, I sent Mrs. Hooley a quick message.

KIM: I have to thank you for taking the time last night to answer my questions. I appreciate it tremendously.

MRS. HOOLEY: I’m really glad, Kim.

As I read through the transcript of my interview with Mrs. Hooley, I realized just how much her passion shines through her work and just simple conversation with her. She writes because she loves it; plain and simple.

There is no hidden agenda and she doesn’t aspire to make millions. She writes for the love of writing and storytelling. I think that passion is what makes her stories so enjoyable for her fans.
She writes what she loves and she doesn’t allow negativity to take that love from her.

I would like to thank Mrs. Hooley for being one of my personal writing inspirations and for taking the time out of her busy schedule to answer all of my questions. Not only is she an author who has written and published a plethora of books, but she's a mother and a teacher. Her schedule is typically quite hectic yet she constantly finds the time to be a friend and writing mentor to me. She also responds to her fans and is very active on her social media sites. She's such a down to Earth person and someone that I am glad to consider a friend.

To find out more about Maria Rachel Hooley and her work be sure to follow the links below to follow Mrs. Hooley on her social media sites, check out her personal website and pinterest for a look at her work and also some insight into what inspires her! Above all be certain to check out the many books she has, you won't be disappointed! (I've read many of her books and two of my favorite series are The Sojourner and Dreamwalker series. ) 

Maria Rachel Hooley's Facebook 

Maria Rachel Hooley's Twitter

Maria Rachel Hooley's Website

Maria Rachel Hooley's Pinterest Page

The Unrealistic Expectations of Beauty

We've all heard the saying that beauty is only skin deep, but I've always questioned that. I personally believe that beauty comes from within. If you're an ugly person on the inside then that ugliness will bleed through your pores and sooner or later it will be on display for the world to see.

I feel that in order to show the beauty that is within you, you must treat others with kindness and love. You love life and live it to your fullest capable ability. You don't spread rumors or hate and you surround yourself with love instead of toxicity.

We're all, myself included, guilty of letting our ugly show...but it is only when you are able to acknowledge that your behaviors are ugly that you are then able to reinvent yourself and change those behaviors.

I look at it this way, you can paint a house and give it the best landscaping money can buy. You can put a beautiful fence around that gorgeously landscaped house. You can put lawn decorations and cute little signs about bunnies and butterflies...but if the moment you pass the threshold that house is a barren shell, void of furniture, picture frames, adorned with cracks in the walls and glass-less windows then that home becomes ugly.

The same goes for people. You can wear the most stylish and fashionable clothes, you can curl your hair and plaster on makeup, but if you are ugly inside then no amount of cover up will hide the ugliness radiating from within. 

What is your idea of beautiful? Have you ever truly considered that? 

We're all guilty of judging one another, whether it's out loud with a friend or silently to ourselves. WE, the human race, are a judgmental being capable of reducing one another to a broken state by merely using words. 

I have my own insecurities about leaving the house without makeup on. As I've gotten older I have been able to become  more secure but I still struggle daily with my natural state, sans makeup. When I go to work, I have to have my makeup on. When I go out to eat, I need a little bit of makeup to "brighten my face and make me feel human" as I usually say. 

Why do I feel the need to do this? 

To feel human is definitely not smearing colorful gunk that is poured from bottles labeled "age rewind" and "air brush finish" with the hopes of looking like a model who has clearly been photo-shopped. 

Why do I strive to reach this unattainable, unrealistic beauty standard? 

It's simple. 

The world around me has told me what beautiful is my whole life. Beauty is the women who are a size 0, with the flawless skin that resembles that of a Greek goddess. Beauty is wearing heels that make me look like a baby giraffe trying to walk for the first time. Beauty is putting loads of makeup on my face to hide every imperfection that I've earned due to sleepless nights of motherhood. Beauty is dousing my hair in products to change my natural color while whipping my hair into an altered state like a submissive captive. Beauty is reaching for a goal, a standard, an illusion that is impossible to achieve. 

So why do I insist on putting myself through an unnecessary routine when I know that I will never achieve the standard ideology of beauty?

I do it because of that day I was told I looked sick because I wasn't wearing makeup to work.
I do it because I didn't sleep well the night before and the dark circles under my eyes ruin my "fresh faced" appearance causing people to judge me. 
I do it because my mother did it. 
I do it because every where I look, in magazines, newspapers, television, movies...the internet...other women have set a standard that I have no chance of achieving. 
I do it because I'm driven to feel beautiful. 
I do it because I am unable to fully love myself on the inside. 
I do it because I feel ugly. 
I do it because I am only human and no matter how much I try to love myself, the world around me plants seeds of doubts which cause me to break. 

We have all felt this way at some point or another because of something someone has said or done to us..so I ask you, when will we be able to stop hurting one another? When will we allow ourselves to love who we are on the inside so that our beauty can radiate from within? When will we stop setting the standards of beauty to an unachievable level? 

A most of all, how can we truly start loving ourselves and break this vicious cycle once and for all without working together? 

Adoption and Heartache

I don't usually watch the morning talk show THE VIEW, but today I did...and I'm glad but also saddened. The story I've linked is one that I find absolutely mind blowing.


A nine year old little girl was adopted at the age of one because she had been abandoned. The whereabouts of her bio-mother are not mentioned, but her father was incarcerated for the majority of her life. She was adopted by a family that raised her until she was 9.

Her father had initially lost his rights because of a law that says if someone is incarcerated for 10 years or more, then that individual loses rights. Her father had received a sentence of 15 years for dealing in guns and drugs. He was able to get his sentence reduced and decided that he would fight to get his daughter back.

While that sounds commendable...rehabilitated ex-felon turned father of the year...the way the state went about returning his rights was completely wrong. They (the state) took the girl as she exited the bus from school and she hasn't seen her adoptive family since. That was 6 months ago.

Adoption is a huge topic to me because I was adopted by my grandparents on my biological father's side. The reason is not important, the fact that I was adopted is the focal point of this blog. I was adopted and though I often wonder what my life would've been like with my biological parents, I cannot dismiss that I had a pretty good childhood with my adoptive parents. They are the only parents that I've ever considered Mom and Dad.

It's only recently that I have begun building a relationship with my biological mother and I'm extremely thankful that we've both reached a point in our life where we are ready to embark on this journey together.

Being adopted was my norm and I cannot imagine what this little girl is going through. If someone would've ripped my away from the only family I had known practically since birth, it would have devastated me.

Think about it. One day 9 year old you gets up and has a normal morning getting ready for school. You say goodbye to your parents as you get on the bus. You go about your normal routine at school, hang out with your friends, roll your eyes when your teacher attempts to make a joke that is obviously corny. You get restless when you know school is about to let out and it's almost time to go home. The bus pulls up at your stop, the same bus that you boarded hours prior, and to your surprise you see cars you don't recognize parked in the driveway of your home. As you exit the bus you see your mother and father run out of the front door toward you, but they are stopped short by a man in a business suit as a woman approaches you. You don't really hear what she's saying but you can tell by her facial expression she's attempting to reassure you that everything is okay. You move toward your parents but the man in the suit blocks you from doing so. Tears begin to spill down your cheeks and you cry out as you begin calling for you mother...the lady, the one with the kind face and hollow reassurances leads you toward one of the cars you don't recognize in the driveway. You look over your shoulder to see your mother fall to her knees as her heart literally breaks before your eyes. The woman continues to lead you away, into the car..she puts the seat belt around you as you tremble and attempt to catch your breath. The door of the car shuts and you're alone for a moment. You try to open the door but the child safety lock prevents you from doing so. Absolute panic grasps your 9 year old self and all you can do is look out the window of the car you don't recognize...and cry.

I can only imagine that this is very similar to what Sonya went through. The system has failed her and I pray that her parents and the legal team they've hired can find a way to get her back. I have no qualms about her biological father being in her life, but this was NOT the way this situation should have been handled. If he wanted to do what was right by his daughter, he should've left her with her adoptive family and slowly integrated himself back into her life.

Ripping a 9 year old child away from the only family she has ever known, just because you feel like playing house after being incarcerated for your bad decisions is NOT the way you become a parent.

I can only hope that her biological father learned from his mistakes and truly is a good father to her. I hope that her adoptive family is able to be a part of her life and that at some point both parental parties can become a cohesive unit. And most importantly, I hope that Sonya is able to recover from the trauma she has endured through this experience and that all those who love her will do everything they can to ensure she overcomes any problems that this has/will cause her. 

~Kim