Sunday, August 24, 2014

Author Spot Light: T.K. Leigh



     


      In celebration of her book release of Heart of Light this week, I decided to sit down (at the computer) and interview T.K. Leigh so that her fans, new and old, could get to know a bit more about her.

      I was trying to figure out how I could help spread the word of her book release while making it more personalized and that’s when it happened. I came home from work Thursday morning and thought, “I’m going to interview T.K. Leigh today!” I had never spoken to her aside from posting comments on Facebook so I was nervous when I typed up the message to her.

      I waited until Facebook chat said she had “seen” the message and then I held my breath. Often times when I consider approaching an author, especially one in which I am a fan, I have expectations of who they are and for whatever reason I fear that they will not respond because I am just another reader.

      As I held my breath and the seconds ticked by I thought that perhaps T.K. Leigh was in that league of unavailable authors, forever out of reach of her fans. Now don’t get me wrong, I have seen her post on Facebook and answer her fans on more than one occasion, but I knew she was busy preparing for her latest book release and assumed that she would think my interview to be an added burden to her already busy schedule.

      As the words appeared in the chat box I squealed with happiness, “Hi, hun. I can absolutely do an interview. I'm a bit limited on time because I have a book signing this weekend but I can *try* to get responses to you today.”

      My husband obviously thought I was demented by this point as he stared and simply shook his head. I rambled on and on about how I had scored an interview on a whim and though he congratulated me I could see that he was obviously questioning my sanity. Perhaps the night shift had finally gotten to me.

      I feverishly attacked my keyboard with the intensity of a sleep-deprived writer, assaulting its delete key as I reworded my questions over and over again. I knew my window of opportunity was small and I hoped I still had time to climb through before Mrs. Leigh moved onto another room.

      As I finally accepted defeat and realized that I needed to ignore my inner critic and just send the damned questions, I looked away from the mouse and clicked send. Instantly I tried to undo my mistake but it was too late, the questions were already hurtling through cyber-space to the email of T.K. Leigh.

      From that point on, I spent the entire morning refreshing my gmail account, checking Facebook, and asking myself why I thought it was a good idea to send that email? And that’s when it appeared, T.K. Leigh’s response to my interview….it went something like this...

 

Kim: How would you define your writing style?

T.K.: "That’s a tough one. I don’t know if I have a style that is unique. The story kind of leads me and dictates my style, I guess. My Beautiful Mess series as well as Heart of Light are all romantic suspense stories so I chose to write them in third-person POV so that the reader gets more information than the main characters, but are still left hanging just slightly so that they keep turning the pages. I love evoking emotions from my readers. So I guess my writing style is suspense-driven but still evokes a wide range of emotions."




Kim: What is it that sets you apart from other authors?

T.K.: "I’m not sure there’s any one thing that sets me apart. I’d like to say it’s because all my characters are relatable in some way. Yes, in my Beautiful Mess series, the male main character, Alexander, had money, but he didn’t flaunt it. In Heart of Light, my main characters are every day people looking for love and dealing with their past. And I think we all do that. We can all connect and relate to these people in some way, shape or form. So I think being able to develop characters that my readers can connect to sets me somewhat apart."



Kim: Why write?

T.K.: "Why not? I didn’t start writing to actually publish, to be honest. A story popped into my head one day and I wanted to write it. I’ve always been a very avid reader, so I thought it would be fun to try my hand at writing. I never imagined being able to do this full time and I’m so grateful that I can."



Kim: What genre do you prefer to write?

T.K.: "Well, all my books are romantic suspense. I love a mystery / suspenseful story with some romance involved. I just finished writing my first New Adult / Coming of Age book, Heart of Marley, and I’m very proud of that book. It’s a bit different as it’s not a typical romance. Yes, there are a few romantic relationships in the book, but it’s more of a journey to self-discovery and moving on from your past."



Kim: What genre do you enjoy most when you are the one doing the reading instead of the writing?

T.K.: "I’ll read anything if it’s a good story. The only genre that doesn’t do anything for me is paranormal. I’ve tried to get into it, but I just can’t. Which makes no sense because I love watching The Vampire Diaries."




Kim: Is there anyone in your life who influenced you to start writing?

T.K.: "Not writing, per se, but I remember always going to the library with my dad when I was a little girl. I loved going on Saturdays so I could pick out a few new books to last me through the week. So I’ve always been a big reader and it’s because my parents instilled a love of books and reading when I was a little girl. So I guess it’s a natural progression to want to try to write, too."



Kim: Who is your biggest support system in regards to your writing?

T.K.: "My husband. I wrote my entire Beautiful Mess series without his knowledge while he was on the road for work. It was just something to keep me occupied. I had no intention of publishing it. Well, after I had most of the story done, I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. I tried to pick up a bunch of different books, but I couldn’t get into them, so I decided to look into having my manuscript Beta read. My betas came back and LOVED it so I decided to take the plunge and publish. When I told my husband about it, he read all three books within a 4 day period of time and has been my biggest fan since then."



Kim: When did you first know that you wanted to write a book?

T.K.: "I guess when an idea popped into my head and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. So I decided to write. And now, I can’t stop the voices in my head, in a good way, of course."



Kim: Everyone dreams of a job that is the epitome of what they enjoy most. I noticed your status update on Facebook the other day with the hashtag #TakeYourLawyerJobAndShoveIt, do you hope to be able to put this part of your life behind you some day and focus solely on your writing?

T.K.: "I actually already have. I’m one of the fortunate ones that is able to write full-time"



Kim: Favorite ice cream?

T.K.: "That new Breyers gelato is sinful."



Kim: I enjoy a glass of wine and a good book, but my wine choice usually depends on the kind of book that I’m reading. I drink sweet wine, such as Moscato, when I know for certain that I’ll be reading something sad. I think the reason being is that the sweetness of the wine allows me to handle the sadness of the story. (Ice cream works in place of wine too during these heartbreaking times.) Have you ever noticed yourself doing something similar? 

T.K.: "When I’m working on my books and I know I’m getting to a particular part that I am dreading having to write, I definitely pop some wine… Usually Chardonnay. It helps take the edge off a bit."



Kim: What would you say to an individual who is trying to find their footing in the world of writing?

T.K.: "Don’t give up. It’s such a huge task writing a book and then marketing it. Some days are better than others but you have to constantly go back to the reason you started writing in the first place. Was it to make money? I hope not because you’re in the wrong business. Was it to share your stories with other people? If so, then you’re doing that."



Kim: What is one of your biggest pet peeves?

T.K.: "Slurping your soup… Drives me crazy."



Kim: As an author, what do you find most challenging when going through the process of creating, editing, and marketing a book?

T.K.: "The most challenging is when I’m getting ready to release. I spend so much time marketing… I’m always on FB interacting with my readers and trying to meet potential readers. I just pray that all the hours upon hours I’ve spent marketing weren’t for nothing."



Kim: If you could meet some of your favorite authors, who would you “fangirl” over if you were able to meet them in person and snag an autographed copy of your favorite book by them? 

T.K.: "Everyone laughs at my answer… Hunter S Thompson… I would have loved to meet him while he was still alive."



Kim: Do you prefer the indie market or something more mainstream when publishing your work?

T.K.: "I love the control I get in the indie marketplace. I have yet to receive an offer that had me drooling enough to ever want to leave this indie world."



Kim: What is something that you would like to tell readers about your upcoming novel Heart of Light?

T.K.: "Be prepared for a bit of an emotional roller coaster. You’ll be laughing one moment and then crying the next. Then your heart will be racing with all the suspense."


 
Kim: You seemed to have literally poured blood, sweat, and tears into this book. The story focuses on human trafficking and a world that many people might not know much about. What made you decide to raise awareness for a cause that plagues America, not to mention the world, on a daily basis?

T.K.: "Actually, I kind of wrote this in response to the growing trend of dark romance novels that seem to be gaining popularity. I remember going through Facebook one day and I saw a comment to the effect that a reader would want some main character to kidnap her and have his way with her and it got me thinking, wondering if people really understood how huge the problem of human trafficking is. I was quite familiar with the extent of it from my time in the criminal law field but over the past few weeks, I’ve been sharing what I’ve researched with my readers and I think it’s opening their eyes to the fact that this is a problem, not just in third world countries, but in our own back yard. They don’t just target immigrants or low income minorities. They target the girl next door. One of the popular methods of luring girls and then kidnapping is used in my book, Heart of Light. It’s real. It happens. Tens of thousands of people die every year from human trafficking and I just wanted people to think twice about it."



Kim: The research that went into exploring this dark, underground world of enslaving individuals, mainly women must have been exhausting. How did you keep yourself grounded while learning about what these people endure?

T.K.: "I guess I’m fortunate, if you could call it that, that I have a background in the criminal law field. I’ve worked for the Victim’s Advocate before working for the state’s attorney’s office and you start to learn how to distance yourself. You never do so entirely, but you learn to compartmentalize, I suppose. The research was important to me. Yes, it’s a fictional account, but the methods you see used are real. I guess I was able to keep myself grounded by hoping that this book will help some people think twice about this enormous problem this country and world faces. Some of the statistics are absolutely staggering and hopefully my readers will take something away from it… Even if it’s something as simple as telling their husband or kids that they love them."



Kim: Raising awareness for this cause is a huge undertaking, especially when writing a novel about it, are you nervous about the reviews? When Heart of Light goes live to the public, what will you be doing?

T.K.: "I hate to say it, but I’ve learned to not worry about reviews too much. It’s impossible to please everyone so I don’t try anymore. I write for myself, first and foremost. I tell the story I want to tell. If my readers connect with it, that’s the icing on the cake for me. Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely love my readers and I love being able to give them story after story. But I no longer read every single review. You’ll drive your crazy trying to write a book that makes everyone happy. I wrote a book that I am DAMN proud of. I loved my Beautiful Mess series, but Heart of Light is my favorite… So far. And wen it goes live, I do believe I’ll be popping a bottle of champagne to celebrate." ;-)

 

Kim: Is there anything else you would like readers, both your fans and those who are new to your work, to know?

T.K.: "I love you all!!!" :)



T.K. Leigh, it was a pleasure to read your responses to my questions and get to know you better. Thank you for taking the time out of the madness that you call your schedule, to answer all of those questions. You are a great author and your fans truly appreciate how you're willing to reach out to them every chance you get. Good luck with the Heart of Light release!  

Don't forget to join the week long celebration of  her book release for Heart of Light on Facebook! There will be a ton of giveaways and fun to be had! PARTY OVER HERE!!!!!

 
For more information on T.K. Leigh please visit her at the following links: 











Friday, August 1, 2014

I Lost Myself to Motherhood.

When my first child was born,  I was terrified. Being two months shy of my 19th birthday I was practically a kid myself. I was married and thought I was ready for motherhood but you're never truly ready for it. I know some people might disagree and say, "I was ready when I had my child! I was prepared!" But that's a lie. You are never fully ready to be a mother.

I remember how I felt the first moment I held my son as I looked down at his swollen, little, pink face. I was scared. Don't get me wrong I was happy too, but I thought to myself, "Oh, my God...this little, pink, blob of cuteness..his survival in this world is dependent on...me."

Maternal instincts kicked in but they were primitive at best. Feed, change, coddle...rinse repeat. There were times when he cried, his screechy voice piercing my eardrums and breaking my heart because I couldn't console him. I learned that was gas.

There were other times, especially when he started eating "big boy" food that I would freak out because the color of his poop wasn't normal. I learned that food dye in fruit loops makes baby poop resemble stinky rainbows.

I watched as this little being started to crawl on his own...then to walk. I became completely obsessed with making sure that no harm could come to him. My life was consumed with his safety. My life was consumed with making him happy. My life was absolutely consumed with everything about him. It didn't help the fact that I felt like he was all I had because this was the time period in which my first marriage dissolved. Some things are just not meant to be and when you are young you don't always listen to those who know better.

I lost myself to motherhood.

When I became a mother of multiple children I lost myself even further. My life revolved around my children and when it wasn't all about them, I was trying to stay sane. I had lost my identity. I only thought of myself as a wife and mother. I lived for my family but I had no identity outside of motherhood.

Now, some of you might be thinking to yourself, "Why is that so bad? You are a mother. Your life should be about your family. How can you be so selfish?" If you're thinking those things then you obviously aren't a mother or you're telling lies to yourself.

Being a mother is a beautiful gift and something I wouldn't change for the world, but when I say I lost myself, I truly mean it. I lost who I was and became only a mother. I couldn't define myself in any other way other than, "I'm a mother of four."

You may still be wondering why that's a bad thing and that's fine...keep reading and hopefully you'll get my point sooner or later.

It's okay to identify yourself as a mother, but that's just one of many hats you wear. Becoming a mother causes you to change your entire perspective on life. You have to carry yourself differently. At times it even holds a stigma and if you don't fit a certain mold then people judge you.

My first run in with judgmental people was when I went into a grocery store with all of the kids. I had a woman ask me if those were my siblings. She then proceeded to scoff at me when I told her that they were all my children. I have also had people say, "how old are you?" after they ask me how old my oldest child is. I can almost see the wheels turning in their head as they count down to how old they think I was when I had my first child.

Nobody asks if they're my step child, they just assume that I was a teen mother. I usually see mixed expressions at this revelation from anything to a look of pity to a look of disgust. This used to really bother me, but now I take it with a grain of salt because I know the truth and that's all that matters to me.

In the earlier years of my relationship with my second/current husband I simply saw myself as his girlfriend and the wife of our children. Together we had a blended family and I was happy. The new relationship, the happiness that I felt once again, renewed who I was. I became Kim again. I put my own needs first but was still able to do so while being a mother at the same time. That was the first time I realized that motherhood didn't define who I am.

But it didn't last...I lost myself to motherhood again. I had a slight taste of freedom but let it slip through my fingers.

"But Kim, why would you want to be free from motherhood?"

Let me explain this so that you understand what I'm saying. I did not want freedom from motherhood in the least...but I wanted to not be completely defined by motherhood. I wanted to show my kids that you can be more than a mom. You can have a career and do things for yourself and still be an awesome mom but also have your own things going on at the same time. I wanted to show my kids that it's okay for mom to have a life separate from being a parent.

Yes, I am a mother. I am a wife. First and foremost, my husband and my children are the most important people in my life. I would die for them. I would do whatever it takes to make them happy...and my life is consumed (in the best ways possible) with being a wife and mother.

But, at the end of the day, in order to keep your sanity and be able to function like a normal person you cannot forget to take care of yourself. In my case, I needed to learn how to take care of Kim. I needed to nurture my needs some too. As a mother you put everyone before yourself. That is part of our primitive maternal instincts.

Even in the littlest moments you always put your family first. From meals to sleep...you always end up putting everyone else before yourself. If I make a meal I usually always make my plate last. I serve my kids and husband first, then once they're all settled I serve myself. If I want to take a bubble bath, everyone else showers/bathes first then I grab a book and hop in the tub..usually to find that the hot water has been used or is very limited.

I go to sleep, almost always, last. I make sure that the kids are in bed and sleeping before my head hits the pillow. Every single noise in the house wakes me up so I usually don't sleep soundly unless I'm absolutely exhausted. I watch TV shows or movies that I wouldn't watch normally to make my kids happy. I sacrifice for my family and I would change absolutely nothing about that.

However, I have learned in the last few years to do things for me that make me happy too. Don't get my wrong, when my kids and husband are happy I am happy. There are some things that I like to do for me though, and it took me years to realize that it is okay to do things for myself.

It doesn't make me a bad mom. I'm not being selfish. I'm not depriving my family of something just because I go off on my own to do something just for me. More often than not I'd much rather share every happy moment in my life with my family, but sometimes it's okay to have a break. It's okay to sneak away and indulge in something that's not always "kid friendly" such as a glass of wine or and R-rated movie. 

I really started to find myself again when I decided to start working and to go to college. That gave me a more versatile identity and allowed me to be a little more independent. Prior to exploring these options my identity was dependent on my husband and kids. I was able make myself more well-rounded by getting a job and pursuing a college education. It's important to have other areas in your life in which you excel other than motherhood because as your children get older and less dependent on you, you begin to feel empty.

You know that those little people in your life are dependent on your for their every need but it's not until they grow up that you realize you are equally as dependent on them. If you don't have other things to fill the void that they leave as they start growing up and that dependency lessens then you are left wondering what to do with yourself.

I recently went on a trip to Vegas where I saw Britney Spears in concert, just my best girl friend and I. I missed my husband and kids terribly, but this was the first vacation I had EVER had without them. I needed some 'me' time and that was a memorable trip with a great friend. There were many things that I did where I thought, "Oh, my husband/child would've loved to seen that!" or "Awe, I bet my husband/kid would've enjoyed this.." but it was still nice to do something for myself.

I'm 28 now. I have been a mother for every bit of my 20's and it has taken me nearly all of it to realize that I had lost myself to motherhood and just recently began to find who I am once again. Mother is one of many titles that I proudly wear. I am a wife, mother, sister/cousin/aunt/niece, student, certified nursing assistant, cook, counselor, friend, avid reader, aspiring writer, and amateur photographer. I've got my head in the clouds, my nose in the books, one ear to the phone and the other ear listening to my children, all the while making dinner at the same time.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having 'me' time and doing things that I love. I mean, there are things that I love doing that my family probably wouldn't like anyway. I love to go out into nature for hours on end with a good book and a camera. I love reading and taking pictures. I love writing poetry and stories. I love yoga (though I haven't done it in a long time). I like certain bands and music that I know my husband and kids probably wouldn't like. There are certain things that are fitting of my personality but not necessarily something my husband or kids would want to do. It's okay for me to go off on my own and enjoy those things without them. It doesn't mean I love them any less, it just means that I'm finding a way to enjoy all the things I love.

Motherhood is about balance but I think in order to find the proper balance you must be able to nurture your family and yourself. By nurturing yourself it allows you to find happiness in all areas of your life and, in my opinion, it makes you a much better mother.

I remember the time I lost myself to motherhood, but I remember even more how I found myself again. 


I'm addicted...

...to music. 



I had you going there for a moment, huh? You thought I was going to confess some deep, dark, secret addiction in which you would get to silently judge me from behind the comfort of the screen in which you're hidden. It's okay, I forgive you. 

Seriously, I am addicted to music. Without music, my world would be consumed with the chaos of my every day life. Yes, I know my blog is titled, "The Beautiful Chaos of Motherhood and Life..." I'm aware of the irony of my statement. I don't mean to say that chaos is bad in this sense, but I know that music helps me to better balance it all.

Whether I'm blogging, doing homework, cooking, cleaning, or playing outside with the kids I typically always have music playing in the background. I feel that listening to music helps me concentrate better on the task I am performing. That could mean that I have some underlying ADD/ADHD tendencies that I've yet to address in my 28 years of life. Hmm...nevertheless music is my addiction. 

I listen to a variety of music which is usually dependent on my mood and the task I'm trying to complete. For example, I've found that if I'm blogging I can listen to a variety of things and the style doesn't really matter. But when I'm doing homework I prefer to listen to music that lacks words because it allows me to better concentrate. 

I get pickier when it comes to reading a book. It doesn't matter if I'm reading for pure enjoyment or if I'm editing a book, I try to match the music to the scene that I'm reading. I do the same when I'm writing. Adding mood music really helps me to get into the mind of the characters and I feel that some of my best writing occurs when music is my constant companion. 

When people ask me what my favorite genre of music is, it's really hard for me to explain it. I use the word eclectic quite often because that's the only way to truly describe my taste in music. It varies, as I mentioned previously in this blog. I've gone to such a mix of concerts that it's almost comical but I feel that it makes me well-rounded. 

The first concert I ever went to was Dwight Yoakam. Yes. Mr. Yoakam at Cumberland Gap, Kentucky. I was about 8 or 9 and we had went there on a family outing. I actually was able to meet him and talk to him. I thought it was the coolest thing..ever. I still look back at that memory fondly.

I went to many concert events when I was a teenager with my youth group from my childhood church. Even though it's not necessarily my style of music any longer, I still enjoyed myself at the time and listen to that genre of music on occasion when I want to hear a specific song.

In more recent years, I've seen Fly Leaf, In This Moment, Marilyn Manson, Rob Zombie, Taylor Swift, Ed Sheeran, and Britney Spears. Now, let that last sentence really sink in and think about those artists individually. I'm pretty sure I can imagine your facial expression and that humors me slightly. Eclectic, right

What I've been listening to as I write this blog post is more of the country variety. Hunter Hayes, Taylor Swift, Luke Bryan, Carrie Underwood...etc. No particular reason other than I wanted to hear "Blown Away" and it snowballed from there. 

What draws me to music is not the genre but more so what I feel when I listen to it. If it evokes emotion or makes me feel good...then I'll listen to it. Sounds like a drug, right? If it feels good, do it?
I'll admit it, I am absolutely 100% addicted to music. It makes me feel good, so I'm definitely going to do (listen to) it. 

Do I need rehab for this? Nah. I'll continue to get my musically induced high as I float through life on lyrics, notes, and catchy hooks.

My kids also love and appreciate music. They've all been acutely aware of my love for music since before they could talk. If there's anything I've done flawlessly as a parent, I know it has been introducing them to a variety of music while nurturing their own personal preferences. 

Music is life.  

How do you feel about music? What's your favorite genre or do you listen to whatever feels right?  Do you have songs capable of inducing memories in which you feel like you're reliving that moment the second you hear the first note?