...to music.
I had you going there for a moment, huh? You thought I was going to confess some deep, dark, secret addiction in which you would get to silently judge me from behind the comfort of the screen in which you're hidden. It's okay, I forgive you.
Seriously, I am addicted to music. Without music, my world would be consumed with the chaos of my every day life. Yes, I know my blog is titled, "The Beautiful Chaos of Motherhood and Life..." I'm aware of the irony of my statement. I don't mean to say that chaos is bad in this sense, but I know that music helps me to better balance it all.
Whether I'm blogging, doing homework, cooking, cleaning, or playing outside with the kids I typically always have music playing in the background. I feel that listening to music helps me concentrate better on the task I am performing. That could mean that I have some underlying ADD/ADHD tendencies that I've yet to address in my 28 years of life. Hmm...nevertheless music is my addiction.
I listen to a variety of music which is usually dependent on my mood and the task I'm trying to complete. For example, I've found that if I'm blogging I can listen to a variety of things and the style doesn't really matter. But when I'm doing homework I prefer to listen to music that lacks words because it allows me to better concentrate.
I get pickier when it comes to reading a book. It doesn't matter if I'm reading for pure enjoyment or if I'm editing a book, I try to match the music to the scene that I'm reading. I do the same when I'm writing. Adding mood music really helps me to get into the mind of the characters and I feel that some of my best writing occurs when music is my constant companion.
When people ask me what my favorite genre of music is, it's really hard for me to explain it. I use the word eclectic quite often because that's the only way to truly describe my taste in music. It varies, as I mentioned previously in this blog. I've gone to such a mix of concerts that it's almost comical but I feel that it makes me well-rounded.
The first concert I ever went to was Dwight Yoakam. Yes. Mr. Yoakam at Cumberland Gap, Kentucky. I was about 8 or 9 and we had went there on a family outing. I actually was able to meet him and talk to him. I thought it was the coolest thing..ever. I still look back at that memory fondly.
I went to many concert events when I was a teenager with my youth group from my childhood church. Even though it's not necessarily my style of music any longer, I still enjoyed myself at the time and listen to that genre of music on occasion when I want to hear a specific song.
In more recent years, I've seen Fly Leaf, In This Moment, Marilyn Manson, Rob Zombie, Taylor Swift, Ed Sheeran, and Britney Spears. Now, let that last sentence really sink in and think about those artists individually. I'm pretty sure I can imagine your facial expression and that humors me slightly. Eclectic, right?
What I've been listening to as I write this blog post is more of the country variety. Hunter Hayes, Taylor Swift, Luke Bryan, Carrie Underwood...etc. No particular reason other than I wanted to hear "Blown Away" and it snowballed from there.
What draws me to music is not the genre but more so what I feel when I listen to it. If it evokes emotion or makes me feel good...then I'll listen to it. Sounds like a drug, right? If it feels good, do it?
I'll admit it, I am absolutely 100% addicted to music. It makes me feel good, so I'm definitely going to do (listen to) it.
Do I need rehab for this? Nah. I'll continue to get my musically induced high as I float through life on lyrics, notes, and catchy hooks.
My kids also love and appreciate music. They've all been acutely aware of my love for music since before they could talk. If there's anything I've done flawlessly as a parent, I know it has been introducing them to a variety of music while nurturing their own personal preferences.
Music is life.
How do you feel about music? What's your favorite genre or do you listen to whatever feels right? Do you have songs capable of inducing memories in which you feel like you're reliving that moment the second you hear the first note?
We've all heard the saying that beauty is only skin deep, but I've always questioned that. I personally believe that beauty comes from within. If you're an ugly person on the inside then that ugliness will bleed through your pores and sooner or later it will be on display for the world to see.
I feel that in order to show the beauty that is within you, you must treat others with kindness and love. You love life and live it to your fullest capable ability. You don't spread rumors or hate and you surround yourself with love instead of toxicity.
We're all, myself included, guilty of letting our ugly show...but it is only when you are able to acknowledge that your behaviors are ugly that you are then able to reinvent yourself and change those behaviors.
I look at it this way, you can paint a house and give it the best landscaping money can buy. You can put a beautiful fence around that gorgeously landscaped house. You can put lawn decorations and cute little signs about bunnies and butterflies...but if the moment you pass the threshold that house is a barren shell, void of furniture, picture frames, adorned with cracks in the walls and glass-less windows then that home becomes ugly.
The same goes for people. You can wear the most stylish and fashionable clothes, you can curl your hair and plaster on makeup, but if you are ugly inside then no amount of cover up will hide the ugliness radiating from within.
What is your idea of beautiful? Have you ever truly considered that?
We're all guilty of judging one another, whether it's out loud with a friend or silently to ourselves. WE, the human race, are a judgmental being capable of reducing one another to a broken state by merely using words.
I have my own insecurities about leaving the house without makeup on. As I've gotten older I have been able to become more secure but I still struggle daily with my natural state, sans makeup. When I go to work, I have to have my makeup on. When I go out to eat, I need a little bit of makeup to "brighten my face and make me feel human" as I usually say.
Why do I feel the need to do this?
To feel human is definitely not smearing colorful gunk that is poured from bottles labeled "age rewind" and "air brush finish" with the hopes of looking like a model who has clearly been photo-shopped.
Why do I strive to reach this unattainable, unrealistic beauty standard?
It's simple.
The world around me has told me what beautiful is my whole life. Beauty is the women who are a size 0, with the flawless skin that resembles that of a Greek goddess. Beauty is wearing heels that make me look like a baby giraffe trying to walk for the first time. Beauty is putting loads of makeup on my face to hide every imperfection that I've earned due to sleepless nights of motherhood. Beauty is dousing my hair in products to change my natural color while whipping my hair into an altered state like a submissive captive. Beauty is reaching for a goal, a standard, an illusion that is impossible to achieve.
So why do I insist on putting myself through an unnecessary routine when I know that I will never achieve the standard ideology of beauty?
I do it because of that day I was told I looked sick because I wasn't wearing makeup to work.
I do it because I didn't sleep well the night before and the dark circles under my eyes ruin my "fresh faced" appearance causing people to judge me.
I do it because my mother did it.
I do it because every where I look, in magazines, newspapers, television, movies...the internet...other women have set a standard that I have no chance of achieving.
I do it because I'm driven to feel beautiful.
I do it because I am unable to fully love myself on the inside.
I do it because I feel ugly.
I do it because I am only human and no matter how much I try to love myself, the world around me plants seeds of doubts which cause me to break.
We have all felt this way at some point or another because of something someone has said or done to us..so I ask you, when will we be able to stop hurting one another? When will we allow ourselves to love who we are on the inside so that our beauty can radiate from within? When will we stop setting the standards of beauty to an unachievable level?
A most of all, how can we truly start loving ourselves and break this vicious cycle once and for all without working together?
