Life Lessons that Caitlyn Jenner and RuPaul Have Taught Me

                                                               (Photo: Vanity Fair)

Yes, you read the title right. Life lessons from a reality star and a drag queen. Keep reading to see exactly what I'm talking about...you won't be disappointed. 

I've been reading comments regarding Bruce Jenner's transformation to Caitlyn and there are many who are in support of her while there are many who are not. The negativity breaks my heart because I thought that by 2015, living in the world we live in, things like this would be more acceptable. I just commented on my friends' status on FB because of the positivity within his post, but my thoughts are much more than FB can handle so here comes a new blog. Good thing because it's been months since I last posted. Hot/Cold Love/Hate relationship with blogging and such.

As parents, my husband and I are raising our children to be accepting of those who are different. That's the key word here. Acceptance. If you don't like it, fine..if you don't agree with it. Whatever. BUT at least accept someone who is different. Not everyone likes you either. Not everyone thinks you're "normal." 

I remember a book from my teen years by an author named Julie Anne Peters called Define "Normal". It was a book about two teen girls who thought they were completely different from one another. They end up in peer counseling together only to find out that they aren't very different after all. It's a good coming of age book that helps teens (especially girls) realize that being different from the social "norm" is okay and that it should be embraced. 

That phrase, define normal, has stuck with me into adulthood. I've used it from time to time in conversation when people have used such statements as "That's just not normal!" What is normal? Truly. Aside from a dry, black and white text in the dictionary, what is normal? Who sets the standard for what is normal? 

If normal is being like everyone else and not having your own identity then I'll continue to remain abnormal. Thanks...

Now then, back to Bruce..or rather Caitlyn Jenner. Love the name choice by the way. Caitlyn is perfect for her. Thank goodness she went with a C instead of a K because that would just been too korny. Okay, I'll stop, I swear! 

My kids are happy for her. Yes, my children. I have kids that range in age from almost 6 to almost 12. All of the children thought Caitlyn looked so pretty in her "new skin" on the cover of Vanity Fair. My oldest son said, "Mom, that's the dad from Keeping up with the Kardashians? He looks like a woman...Wow...he did a great job with his makeup!" 

Now here's a little background. Along with the Kardashians, one of my other reality show faves is RuPaul's Drag Race. It's different, kind of edgy, and extremely entertaining. But more than that, it's allowing a forum for people to gain more understanding of the LGBTQ community. Yes, there are men dressing in drag on the show but it's much deeper than just amazing makeup, hair and glamorous clothes. RuPaul brings about awareness of the struggles these queens face on a daily basis. You learn about the individuals on the show. Their struggles with being accepted by family and friends. Their heartbreak when people judge them so harshly for their lifestyle choices. Their frustration when they are told that they're not normal. Drug addiction, suicide, depression, isolation, that is the norm many of those in the LGBTQ community face, especially as teenagers.

Why aren't they normal? I firmly believe that there are people who feel different. People who know in their heart they were meant to be someone else. When people throw religious views into this situation (don't even get me started on the WBC and their picket signs!) it sickens me. Who's to say that God didn't make gay, transgendered or other people who don't fit the societal norm just to test us? He wiped us out with a flood once because the world wasn't what he wanted it to be. So why couldn't he have made humans to be different just to teach his followers to love EVERYONE regardless of the situation? Is that too complicated for God to have done? I think not. He's God...he can do what he wants! 

Acceptance, humility, compassion...that's what the world needs more of. Hate breeds hate. Honestly, how can anyone hate something they don't understand? This applies to most every situation, if not all, from cultural differences to religion to lifestyle choices. You cannot hate something that you do not have a full understanding of. End of story. 

Now then, my kids watch RuPaul's Drag Race with my husband and I. Some people might disagree with that, and that's their choice. But as a parent it's my duty to try to help my children understand that there are a plethora of individuals who walk this earth and the best way to succeed in life and make a mark is to be accepting. Being able to have that mentality allows you to have a larger circle of friends and to embrace all the unique qualities of every single one of those friends. My kids are growing up with the knowledge that this world can be a cruel place and I'm doing my best to arm them with the tools to help combat that cruelness. 

We turn reality shows into life lessons. There was a recent episode of RuPaul's Drag Race where the drag queens were shown a picture of themselves at a younger age and asked what they would say to that child now. The answers were heartbreaking and the tears flowed from their eyes. You could hear the sadness in their voices but you could also see that they had the spirit to endure and persevere. That's why they're still standing. They didn't give up. They fought to get to where they currently are and by doing so they showed all their haters that they can handle anything life throws at them. 

When my kids watched that episode, it clicked for them. I could see the wheels turning. They understood that these aren't just men in costumes. These are humans that are fighting to let their true colors show. Now couple this show with Bruce Jenner's transformation and it's allowing individuals all around the world to see that this real. 

These individuals exist everywhere. It's showing up more and more in the worldwide news, not just the United States. People are fighting for their rights. Gay marriage and rights, transgender and gender equality. It's all around us. Don't we all have something we're fighting for in this life? If it's worth the fight, shouldn't we be given the right? (Maybe I should put that on a T-Shirt if it's not already..hmm..)

I have a variety of friends in the LGBTQ and while personally that's not my lifestyle, it doesn't matter. They are my friends and I love them tremendously for everything they stand for. It takes courage in this world to fight for what you believe in and I can only hope I live to see the day when it doesn't require a fight to be yourself. Acceptance is key. 

10 Life Lessons:

1. Be true to yourself, no matter what others think.
2. Love yourself.
3. Be brave in the face of adversity.
4. Stand up for what you believe in.
5. Love those around you even if they're different. 
6. Different is beautiful. 
7. Drag queens have the best hair and makeup. 
8. Do not give up on your dreams or you'll be letting yourself down.
9. Teach your children to be accepting of everyone around them.
10. Moisturize. (Seriously, have you seen RuPaul's skin?)

In the words of RuPaul, ConDragulations, Caitlyn Jenner, you're a beautiful woman inside and out. Keep being an ambassador in the public eye for all of those who are too scared to stand up for themselves. This is one step closer to a world where people will be truly free to be who they are. 

On a side note: I'm not trying to say that all gay people are transgendered or all trans-people are gay. I'm just writing a blog talking about issues that are currently on my mind. I know there's a difference so before people start ranting about me being  a "straight woman with no knowledge of the LGBTQ community" understand that I know the difference.

The Unrealistic Expectations of Beauty

We've all heard the saying that beauty is only skin deep, but I've always questioned that. I personally believe that beauty comes from within. If you're an ugly person on the inside then that ugliness will bleed through your pores and sooner or later it will be on display for the world to see.

I feel that in order to show the beauty that is within you, you must treat others with kindness and love. You love life and live it to your fullest capable ability. You don't spread rumors or hate and you surround yourself with love instead of toxicity.

We're all, myself included, guilty of letting our ugly show...but it is only when you are able to acknowledge that your behaviors are ugly that you are then able to reinvent yourself and change those behaviors.

I look at it this way, you can paint a house and give it the best landscaping money can buy. You can put a beautiful fence around that gorgeously landscaped house. You can put lawn decorations and cute little signs about bunnies and butterflies...but if the moment you pass the threshold that house is a barren shell, void of furniture, picture frames, adorned with cracks in the walls and glass-less windows then that home becomes ugly.

The same goes for people. You can wear the most stylish and fashionable clothes, you can curl your hair and plaster on makeup, but if you are ugly inside then no amount of cover up will hide the ugliness radiating from within. 

What is your idea of beautiful? Have you ever truly considered that? 

We're all guilty of judging one another, whether it's out loud with a friend or silently to ourselves. WE, the human race, are a judgmental being capable of reducing one another to a broken state by merely using words. 

I have my own insecurities about leaving the house without makeup on. As I've gotten older I have been able to become  more secure but I still struggle daily with my natural state, sans makeup. When I go to work, I have to have my makeup on. When I go out to eat, I need a little bit of makeup to "brighten my face and make me feel human" as I usually say. 

Why do I feel the need to do this? 

To feel human is definitely not smearing colorful gunk that is poured from bottles labeled "age rewind" and "air brush finish" with the hopes of looking like a model who has clearly been photo-shopped. 

Why do I strive to reach this unattainable, unrealistic beauty standard? 

It's simple. 

The world around me has told me what beautiful is my whole life. Beauty is the women who are a size 0, with the flawless skin that resembles that of a Greek goddess. Beauty is wearing heels that make me look like a baby giraffe trying to walk for the first time. Beauty is putting loads of makeup on my face to hide every imperfection that I've earned due to sleepless nights of motherhood. Beauty is dousing my hair in products to change my natural color while whipping my hair into an altered state like a submissive captive. Beauty is reaching for a goal, a standard, an illusion that is impossible to achieve. 

So why do I insist on putting myself through an unnecessary routine when I know that I will never achieve the standard ideology of beauty?

I do it because of that day I was told I looked sick because I wasn't wearing makeup to work.
I do it because I didn't sleep well the night before and the dark circles under my eyes ruin my "fresh faced" appearance causing people to judge me. 
I do it because my mother did it. 
I do it because every where I look, in magazines, newspapers, television, movies...the internet...other women have set a standard that I have no chance of achieving. 
I do it because I'm driven to feel beautiful. 
I do it because I am unable to fully love myself on the inside. 
I do it because I feel ugly. 
I do it because I am only human and no matter how much I try to love myself, the world around me plants seeds of doubts which cause me to break. 

We have all felt this way at some point or another because of something someone has said or done to us..so I ask you, when will we be able to stop hurting one another? When will we allow ourselves to love who we are on the inside so that our beauty can radiate from within? When will we stop setting the standards of beauty to an unachievable level? 

A most of all, how can we truly start loving ourselves and break this vicious cycle once and for all without working together? 

Adoption and Heartache

I don't usually watch the morning talk show THE VIEW, but today I did...and I'm glad but also saddened. The story I've linked is one that I find absolutely mind blowing.


A nine year old little girl was adopted at the age of one because she had been abandoned. The whereabouts of her bio-mother are not mentioned, but her father was incarcerated for the majority of her life. She was adopted by a family that raised her until she was 9.

Her father had initially lost his rights because of a law that says if someone is incarcerated for 10 years or more, then that individual loses rights. Her father had received a sentence of 15 years for dealing in guns and drugs. He was able to get his sentence reduced and decided that he would fight to get his daughter back.

While that sounds commendable...rehabilitated ex-felon turned father of the year...the way the state went about returning his rights was completely wrong. They (the state) took the girl as she exited the bus from school and she hasn't seen her adoptive family since. That was 6 months ago.

Adoption is a huge topic to me because I was adopted by my grandparents on my biological father's side. The reason is not important, the fact that I was adopted is the focal point of this blog. I was adopted and though I often wonder what my life would've been like with my biological parents, I cannot dismiss that I had a pretty good childhood with my adoptive parents. They are the only parents that I've ever considered Mom and Dad.

It's only recently that I have begun building a relationship with my biological mother and I'm extremely thankful that we've both reached a point in our life where we are ready to embark on this journey together.

Being adopted was my norm and I cannot imagine what this little girl is going through. If someone would've ripped my away from the only family I had known practically since birth, it would have devastated me.

Think about it. One day 9 year old you gets up and has a normal morning getting ready for school. You say goodbye to your parents as you get on the bus. You go about your normal routine at school, hang out with your friends, roll your eyes when your teacher attempts to make a joke that is obviously corny. You get restless when you know school is about to let out and it's almost time to go home. The bus pulls up at your stop, the same bus that you boarded hours prior, and to your surprise you see cars you don't recognize parked in the driveway of your home. As you exit the bus you see your mother and father run out of the front door toward you, but they are stopped short by a man in a business suit as a woman approaches you. You don't really hear what she's saying but you can tell by her facial expression she's attempting to reassure you that everything is okay. You move toward your parents but the man in the suit blocks you from doing so. Tears begin to spill down your cheeks and you cry out as you begin calling for you mother...the lady, the one with the kind face and hollow reassurances leads you toward one of the cars you don't recognize in the driveway. You look over your shoulder to see your mother fall to her knees as her heart literally breaks before your eyes. The woman continues to lead you away, into the car..she puts the seat belt around you as you tremble and attempt to catch your breath. The door of the car shuts and you're alone for a moment. You try to open the door but the child safety lock prevents you from doing so. Absolute panic grasps your 9 year old self and all you can do is look out the window of the car you don't recognize...and cry.

I can only imagine that this is very similar to what Sonya went through. The system has failed her and I pray that her parents and the legal team they've hired can find a way to get her back. I have no qualms about her biological father being in her life, but this was NOT the way this situation should have been handled. If he wanted to do what was right by his daughter, he should've left her with her adoptive family and slowly integrated himself back into her life.

Ripping a 9 year old child away from the only family she has ever known, just because you feel like playing house after being incarcerated for your bad decisions is NOT the way you become a parent.

I can only hope that her biological father learned from his mistakes and truly is a good father to her. I hope that her adoptive family is able to be a part of her life and that at some point both parental parties can become a cohesive unit. And most importantly, I hope that Sonya is able to recover from the trauma she has endured through this experience and that all those who love her will do everything they can to ensure she overcomes any problems that this has/will cause her. 

~Kim

A new chapter in life deserving of a new blog...

      

So, I decided to start blogging...again, but this time I've created an entirely new blog. Here you'll find a variety of topics from what's going on in my personal life, my thoughts on motherhood (struggles and victories) and also stories that I find interesting.
      You might be thinking, "here we go again..." and that's fine. I'm writing this for me but I welcome anyone along for the ride. I love writing and I also enjoy being able to journal. I find it to be a cleansing of the soul in a sense. I constantly use my Facebook as a forum to express my opinions, but I've grown bored with Facebook and would rather create a place designated for my thoughts.
      With that being said, welcome to this new chapter in my journey of self-discovery where you'll see slivers of who I am and what's happening in my life. I've been vlogging too since we made our great move across the country, so perhaps instead of uploading those on Facebook, I'll start posting those on youtube and linking them here..we'll see.
      I have no goals to be the "next great blogger/vlogger" I honestly want to do this as a way to keep my writing juices flowing and also a way for family and friends to keep themselves entertained with the chaos of my life. So...here goes nothing. ;)

~Kim